holiday ramblings...

How many days before Christmas? Almost 4 days right?

As a child I love Christmas and always look forward to it. The decorations at our house may be old but who cares, they're beautiful to me. Then there's the cold air and Baguio has plenty of those chilly breezes that turn my cheeks to a bright red color. There are also the gifts that I can't wait to open on Christmas day and the money I received from my relatives and to my relatives' relatives.

But the best part is...the fact that you have your family and friends around you. The sense of togetherness is there and strong. It makes things more fun. I remember my brother before he was married and the way he goofs around and mother's cousin who makes people laugh with his lively stories about his boyhood or family anecdotes. Even if everyone is sleepy from the night before, there is a certain vitality in the air especially from the children dropping by the house in Malabon to visit our aunts who are their godmothers.

That was then. This is now. I hate Christmas.

Why?

I just got older, that's why.

I don't know how it began but suddenly Christmas is not much of a big deal anymore. Hell, I much prefer New Year. It's much more sacred and the anticipation of the new year is more exciting than waiting for Santa Claus.

People say that the essence of Christmas is the commemoration of the birth of Jesus Christ. Sure that's true though December 25 is a pagan holiday which is the day of the sun. Jesus was born sometime August not December. But hey, it's all Constatine's fault.

The togetherness is gone. My brother who is married and has two daughters left the country 6 years ago and his wife and kids joined him afterwards. It is bleak in Malabon and for me, the children visiting the house is now annoying instead of fun. I spend Christmas day lying on a papag and sleeping. My sister does the same thing.

Hmm, have you ever noticed how our country is going from bad to bad to worse to worse? It climaxed only this December. After the typhoon Yoyong, which left so many people dead, homeless and debating on the total log ban, FPJ died though this is not a big deal to me...hello he's no Mother Theresa or Princess Diana. He's just an action star turned politician (or almost became one), then former House Speaker Jose de Venecia's youngest daughter died on a fire cause by overheating of the Christmas lights in their house. Why is it the I have this feeling that this is karma on his part?

Anyway, we are going out of context here. This is supposed to be a personal issue not the country's.

But I still go to Manila with my family on Chritsmas just like any other routine in my life like waking up from bed, going to the bathroom and going to work.

There was once where I spent Christmas in Baguio and I was alone. And I hate it. This new year I will end up doing the same thing since I am at my blasted job. Customer service...yarghh!

I wonder if I would always be lonely during holidays?